Keep Pregnancy Secret Till Second Trimester: Fail!

Project Top Secret
One of the things hubs and I talked about the night we found out I was pregnant, was to keep this news under wraps until baby had made the 'Three Month Milestone'.

Many miscarriages happen in the first three months, so it made sense to hold off announcing the happy news prematurely.

Project Top Secret: FAIL

Erm. Yeah.

Project Top Secret lasted all of 10 hours.

For this failure, I blame a few things:

1. My fears and needing to talk to a doctor about them.
2. The Universe
3. I am not very good at keeping secrets... Ok, I suck at keeping secrets. 

Factor #1: My fears
I was worried about the baby being 'broken'. Being 37, odds of bearing a Downs Syndrome babe were higher. Also, my pre-existing condition Henoch Schonlein Purpura (HSP) with kidney involvement put me in the high-risk pregnancy category. My beloved doctor Prof Dr Norella Kong who specializes in taking care of women with lupus and has seen through successful lupus pregnancies, had assured me HSP is not passed down to the baby. Yet, how could I not worry? I wanted to talk with Koo Koo (my Aunt Josephine, a doctor in Australia), but also wanted to keep it secret from the family. Koo Koo is my go-to-person whenever I need a medical physician's objective take on health stuff. I have a distrust for most doctors, but Koo Koo, I can at least listen to.

Factor #2: The Universe
Call it a sixth sense or whatever, but what were the odds of Koo Koo calling right after we found out I was pregnant?

KK: Hi Grace!
Me:  Hi Koo Koo!
KK: So, how's the baby-making coming along?
Me: (stunned) Erm. Ah. Erm. (I did not see that coming!)
KK: ...
Me: Erm. We just found out I'm pregnant, like, last night.
KK: Well done!
Me: Erm. You can't tell anyone.

I was conflicted about keeping the baby news hush hush, but the stars seemed to have conspired against me.

Factor #3
Let's just not go there this time k? :p

Moving On
I swore Koo Koo to doctor patient confidentiality and she promised not to tell anyone. She gave a lot of good advice: take folic acid, avoid raw milk, raw fish, etc. She allayed my fears of Downs, and informed me about genetic testing.

So, we're all good. :)

And, I haven't told anyone else.

Yet. :p

iPregnant?

Two nights ago, on 22 September 2012, I peed on a stick and found out I was somewhat pregnant.

A bit of background: TMI alert!

(actually you need to refrain from reading anything at all from this blog if you are allergic to 'To Much Information').

Hubs and I have been enthusiastically enjoying 'practicing' making a baby since I got back to the US in April this year. 

I've always ovulated predictably (which came in handy when trying not to get pregnant, i.e., basal temperature method). So I figured it was just a matter of time before something took. Hubs on the other hand was supremely confident that it would be a one-time-'jackpot'-deal. 

At first, anyway.

Nothing yet

Five months (and five 'tries') later, hubs is feeling increasingly anxious, and I'm (at last) feeling almost warmed up to the whole idea of gestating some offspring. 

Last month, I had felt 51% sure that I was pregnant. I was two days past my period, which usually comes on the 14th of every month. I felt really out of sorts - unhinged almost, and bloated. My A minus minus minus cup boobs were sore and had swelled to an A minus  minus size. AND, I dreamt that I was pregnant. 

It was all quite disconcerting.

As it turns out, early signs of pregnancy and PMS are quite alike. When I menstruated on 16 August, I was more relieved than disappointed. :p

A Strange kind of PMS

Anyway, this time, when my period was late in coming, I didn't think much of it. 

(I did bleed on the 14th and thought 'Oh well, try again next month', but the full-on menstruation deluge mysteriously did not occur.)

I've been late by as much as four days in the past. 

But I had never been late five days.

Or six.

And my boobs were actually looking like A minus. Huge! (by my standards).

To Pee or Not to Pee

I had been going on and on about all the above to hubs. He had patiently listened to my misgivings, complaints, and self-questionings. He had even confirmed that ye ole mammary glands seemed 'fuller'. 

Hubs:  Just do that pregnancy test la.

Me:     Okay... but it will just be a waste if I get my period tomorrow. 

(I bought the 'First Response' test from Walmart for $1).

Hubs:  Never mind. (Malaysian for "It's okay lah")

A Little Bit Pregnant

I got to the bathroom, rummaged around and found the Test, ripped open the package and started taking stuff out of it. Realizing I didn't know quite what to do with all that stuff, and also that I had only one test, i.e., one chance to get it right... I decided to read the Instruction Manual. 

The Instruction Manual was really long-winded. I stopped reading when got to the part where it said to use the dropper to place three full drops of pee onto the 'S' of the Pee Stick. I sprung into action. I peed into a cup, squeezed three droplets of pee onto the 'S'. I watched the moisture from the pee travel upward to the Result Window.

Then I realized I didn't know what the line on the Result Window meant.

I was going back and forth between the Manual and the Pee Stick: 

Manual Says: Single Line = Try Again. Double Line = Your Life is Going to Change Big Time. 

Pee Stick Says: Single Line.

I took a deep breath and felt relief-disappointment...

Erm. Wait. 

Pee Stick Says: Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry faint additional line.

Manual Says: A Double line where one line is fainter than the other = You Pregnant

Oh.

As the seconds ticked down to the 60 second mark, that barely discernable additional line became darker, and more solid. Like magic. 

At the 60 second mark, I was looking at two lines. I guess I didn't expect or believe it. So I went back to hubs with the Pee Stick and Manual in hand, and shoved it at him wordlessly.

He looked at the Pee Stick then at the Manual, then at the Pee Stick. Then he said 'Baby'. He gathered me into his arms and started laughing and (maybe even) crying. I cried a bit also.

We talked for a while after that. Then, I went to shower.

I didn't sleep hardly at all that night.